“Communication is difficult because we fear the outcome,” says Maylan Newton, CEO of Educational Seminars Institute. This is true of any type of conversation, phone call, or email, but especially fitting for challenging communication. Expressing conflicting opinions, reprimanding or correcting an associate, or sharing constructive criticism with a colleague can be intimidating, if not sometimes downright painful. All of these types of communication can be hard in both our personal and professional lives.
Newton established the Educational Seminars Institute (ESi) more than three decades ago. ESi provides transportation service and repair facilities with training focused on business development, phone coaching, and service advisor and service writer programs. I recently listened to his presentation on “Extreme Communication” during the HD Repair Forum in early April. He provided tools to help approach and manage difficult conversations. Newton says effective communication can help lower stress levels and create better leaders.
It’s important to take steps to first acknowledge the challenges, and then change your approach to improve the communication process. It starts with your attitude.
Change your attitude
There is a difference between a confrontation and a conversation, Newton points out. Defining characteristics of a confrontation include being one-sided, using an increased volume, and a negative tone. The main factor, though, is a person’s attitude for how they approach the communication. Every time we are faced with a confrontation, Newton suggests thinking of ways to turn it into a conversation. You have control of yourself, and you have control of your attitude, he says.
This attitude can be impacted by four factors that Newton suggests everyone employ when having effective conversations:
- Use facts
- Be prepared
- Take the emotion out of it
- Be timely
>Use facts
You want to make a decision based on facts, says Newton.
He provided the example of having to fire an employee. A bad employee is worse than no employee – but what makes that employee bad?
Before going through the process of that employee’s termination, have you gone through the necessary channels to provide probationary measures and warnings? Offered mentoring and training? Set short-term goals for the employee to attain and improve upon? It is also critical to have proper documentation of these conversations, such as completing an employee warning form.
Get the facts first and give the employee a chance to correct his or her issues.
>Be prepared
There are two types of difficult conversations: planned and unplanned. You should attempt to have planned conversations as much as possible. Unplanned conversations can easily turn into confrontations. Unplanned conversations are spur-of-the-moment and often fueled by frustration and anger. This can also lead to aggression.
Newton stresses that creating planned conversations takes practice. Take an angry customer encounter for example. Creating guidelines or a process to handle these types of situations can help prepare you and your employees on what to do before having to encounter this customer.
>Take the emotion out of it
Did you know that 80 percent of communication is non-verbal?
Emotion can be negative if it dictates your decision-making, says Newton. Often, emotions can lead to unplanned reactions that deviate from planned actions. He suggests the decision be rational and well thought out, not based on feelings.
This doesn’t mean you cannot have empathy toward the person or situation. It is important to gain an understanding of why the event happened in order to get to the root cause of an issue. This can be as simple as asking if everything is okay. Is there trouble at home? A conflict with another employee?
Attempting to understand the other side can provide perspective and shows that you have a vested interest in their well-being.
Remain rational. A rational approach looks at the long-term benefit of the conversation by helping to promote and/or protect a business’ good reputation and profits.
>Be timely
It is important to address issues right away and communicate early, otherwise it can take a toll both physically and psychologically, causing additional stress. Letting things fester can also cause unnecessary blow-ups and overreactions. For example, if an employee misses an important meeting or is an hour late for work, don’t wait a week to bring it up. Talk about it right away.
Next steps
It can be challenging to change. But, acknowledging the difficulty in communicating and finding ways to approach it can help with being a more effective communicator, reduce stress levels, and make you a better leader.
